Feeling low? Punch a Fox exec in the face…..

Fox has this problem where they make a great show, get a very loyal and dedicated fanbase, but that fanbase doesn’t meet their astronomical numbers that the execs are expecting, so after teasing us with just one season, (sometimes less), they cancel it. Some examples are Firefly, Dollhouse, the Good Guys, Firefly, Terriers, Human Target and let’s not forget Firefly……. There are many more out there that I thought looked good but didn’t watch because I didn’t want the disappointment of having Fox preempt one of the episodes with Happy Gilmore or cancel it mid-season. Watching a good show on Fox makes me feel like one of those laboratory test monkeys. They get us hooked on heroin for 13 weeks and then just take the needle away and wonder why millions of us are angrily shaking our cages and flinging poo at them.

                                    “but I loved the Sarah Connor Chronicles!!!”  

I’m a perfectly happy guy with many blessings, but I get angry when people do things that I think are unjust or selfish or reckless or downright evil. Needless to say, I get angry a lot. Since I’m a very vocal person, that anger needs a vent. Usually punching a hippie helps but I have found a new fun game to play when I’m feeling down: I call it, “Fox hunting”. I’ll call an S&M supplier and have them send bondage gear to a Fox exec’s house or workplace. Or I call an escort service and have them show up to their kid’s birthday party. Another fun one is to steal the exec’s cell phone, use it to call somebody random in Saudi Arabia and use the words “bomb” and “statue of liberty” in the same sentence. My personal favorite is to have this guy I know in L.A. follow a fox exec, wait til he’s alone, then beat the crap out of him with his own shoe for no good reason. When they ask, “WHY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?” The perpetrator just says, “Can’t stop the signal” or “Dan Stark says Hello”, or “Cuz Christopher Chance deserved a chance!” I’ve got some other ideas, but I haven’t quite figured out a way to fill a Mercedes with live sharks just yet. I’m working on it, though….

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQRg25h7TcU1FybBRHUgo2gw2y4VGCnvirIhALP0Nk-n7HuqJ21tg

                                 “Gavin Smith is in the trunk of my Trans Am”

Occasionally, there will be a brief moment of glory when one of these shows is redeemed by it’s fans. This happened when Firefly was made into the movie Serenity. 10 years and it’s following has only grown. Other shows aren’t quite so lucky. I enjoyed the hell out of Human Target. It was like a witty spy movie in every 42 minute episode. It told a great story, the characters had charm, didn’t insult the intelligence of the audience…… even the SCORE in the show was brilliant. They’ve had a HUGE cult following at Comic-Con and that base would’ve grown exponentially, but Fox decides to put this show in a time slot which normally means a slow and painful death, although that shouldn’t matter in the age of the DVR and online television. Nevertheless, Fox dropped the bomb on it, and they’re too stingy to release the 2nd season on dvd. Talk about douchebaggery…..

So if you’re having a bad day, you get home and Fox has preempted your favorite show with a movie that’s 5 years old or a re-run of a baseball game, don’t take it lying down. Go beat the crap out of a Fox exec. Roofie their drink, push them out of a moving cab, key their car, slash their tires……  After all, a network that makes so many great shows about universal justice should totally understand where we’re coming from.

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