I’m bored, let’s have another Cold War.

And what better evil empire to go after than our old adversaries, the Russians. Well, maybe not the Russian people themselves. After all, once they got a taste of Glasnost and Levi’s jeans they wouldn’t go back without another October Revolution. But why can’t we just restart the Cold War with Vladimir Putin? Seriously, this guy is a real piece of work that apparently went to the Joseph Stalin School of political violence. How can you NOT hate this guy?

He’s had his subordinates MURDER journalists, opposition voices in the DUMA (their parliament), taken over the largest oil company YUKOS in a sham of a trial and sent the former owner to prison in Siberia….. SIBERIA!!!….. Lol. Who does that? Anybody remember Alexander Litvinenko? He was former KGB and fled to England with his family after being a whistle-blower on some possible assassinations that went on over there and next thing you know, he gets radiation poisoning from his Post Toasties. (poisoning was a favorite method of rubbing someone out by the KGB…… ah, the good old days) Of course, the west condemned it for about 30 seconds in the news then went on to talk about the usual mundane crap like Kardashian relationships and Beyonce babies. Well, folks, nothing’s changed. Putin just got elected to a third term as president amid accusations of fraud (which again was condemned by us until…… Oh Look!!! Brad and Angelina adopted another kid!!!) and this guy has no intentions of letting go of the reigns of power anytime soon. He’s cracked down on anybody that has a voice of opposition including journalists, former employees, book authors, politicians, human rights workers, the Ukrainian President, the Republics of Georgia and Chechnya and by cracked down I mean beaten, banished to a Gulag, poisoned, shot, or flat invaded with an army. Read some of this stuff, I’m not making it up:



And our president, trusting dolt that he is, tells this guy that he’ll have “more flexibility” after his re-election. More flexibility to what??? Make us drive crappy soviet cars from the late ’60’s and return to black and white TV?

I don’t want anybody in my country being “flexible” with Putin. He’s plenty flexible when it comes to violating human rights already. So why not re-start the Cold War with Putin? They’ve pretty much sold all their nukes on the black market, so that’s not really a threat anymore, it would make for great new TV shows and movies in Hollywood, MAD magazine could re-launch “Spy vs. Spy”, it would give us the incentive to create jobs and industry to “out-innovate the Soviets” once again, we would have new reasons to not vote for commies in Washington D.C. (not that I ever needed a reason) and most importantly, Boris and Natasha could stop drawing unemployment.

So join with me in declaring a renewed Cold War against Vladimir Putin and his evil empire. It’s the red-blooded American thing to do.

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